Ava’s First Day of Kindergarten
As a mom you are continually discovering new parts of your heart that you never knew existed. When your baby is first born you feel a love that you have never felt before, but that is only the beginning. You find a new happiness the first time your baby smiles, or takes their first steps. You find a new protectiveness the first time your baby stumbles and falls. And then a new anger the first time your child hits someone. That first time you break down as a new parent because you are just too exhausted and feel overwhelmed you find a new strength that picks you back up and tells you that you can do it.
Today I found the part of my heart that has to let go of your hand and let you walk away for the first time. It is the part of my heart that has a complex mixture of sadness, joy and pride. I remember back when you were brand new, just a few weeks old. It was early January. Your dad had just gone back to work for the first time since you were born, these were our first few days alone together. I would sit on our couch in the living room feeding you and letting you sleep on my chest throughout the day. From our spot on the couch I could see the neighborhood kids line up for the school bus in the morning and hop off in the afternoons. I remember watching those kids as I held my brand new baby and wondering how I would ever let you walk onto one of those buses and leave me for the day. I couldn’t imagine letting you go out into the world like that without me there with you. Letting someone else care for you for several hours a day. My heart could not handle the thought of it then, and honestly, it still can’t now.
As I let go of your sweet hand for your first day of Kindergarten I feel so proud of the person that you are right now. You hold such joy in your heart. A joy that is sweet and pure. You love to sing and dance and will perform for anyone that will watch you. You have such a strong desire to learn and understand the world around you. Fairness and equality are attributes in the world that you strive for. My hope is that you never lose any of these traits. Don’t let this world sink its claws into you are take these amazing parts of you that make you who you are. I promise to continue to do my part as your mom to teach you how to stay true to who you are and how to handle this crazy world that we live in.
While you are at school today my mama heart will break just a little bit. I will lovingly think back on the days of just you and me on that couch, where nothing else in world mattered but the two of us. You were my everything and I was yours. I will let out a few tears of sadness at the reality that this chapter of our lives is closing. But I will also cry a few tears of pride and happiness at the excitement of what is to come next for you. You will change this world, I am sure of that and this is the first step in allowing you to do so. Go be brave and strong little one. This mama will wipe her tears, pick herself up and be ready for you with a big hug when you come home.